The rapids you love exist because of the boundaries of the river banks. Those boundaries create a container in which the water flows powerfully.
If you want a powerful mindset, you want to create your own river banks that powerfully direct the flow of your energy, attention and focus toward what’s most important to you.
What happens when you don’t set boundaries? You drift. Just like drifting in and out of eddies feels scary and out of control, drifting through life with loose boundaries leads to overwhelm.
Here are 3 boundaries you can set for a powerful mindset
Negative Self Talk Boundary
If you want more confidence then it’s time to set a boundary with yourself and say no to negative self-talk. The only person you can control is yourself, so why are you continually tearing yourself down?
Step one is to notice when you’re engaged in negative self-talk. When you notice, step two is to say no. You can try saying the following to yourself: “That’s not true for me anymore.” or “There I am talking crap to myself again. (with humor and compassion)”
Next, replace that negative self-talk with an affirming or confidence building statement. Here are some examples, and these are statements I use when I’m nervous on the river: “I’m in the present moment and in control of myself.” or “I trust myself and my skills.” or “I’m grateful for … myself, the people, place, mentors etc..”
Another strategy is to start a daily gratitude practice where you recognize and honor something about yourself that you love and are proud of.
Say no so you can say yes
If you’re always saying yes out of a sense of duty, responsibility or guilt, then there’s no room for confidence and power. When you say no to someone or something it opens up the opportunity to say yes to someone or something else.
Start by noticing when you say yes out of a sense of duty or guilt. Notice the resentment and frustration you feel, and notice that there’s a lack of freedom and power for you.
When you set a boundary that allows you to say yes to the people and things that bring you joy, you experience power, confidence and freedom. That sounds a lot better than frustration and resentment doesn’t it?!
Take responsibility for your choices
This is a big one, and it will help you with the two boundaries we’ve already discussed so far.
You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to what happens. You always have choice in how you respond to life, even though it may not feel like it sometimes.
Setting a boundary and creating a container in which you have agency in how you move forward is key in building confidence.
Sometimes I’m on a river, above a scary to me rapid feeling my heart racing, and not sure if I’ll be able to focus. In those moments, when I remind myself that I chose the challenge, it helps me to find my power. I didn’t just drift into the situation, I chose to be there, and now I can choose my next move.
And this is also true if you find yourself on a river with people who aren’t supportive. You can set a boundary and choose to respond powerfully instead of letting their behavior, words or actions affect your confidence. Set a boundary and say ‘no,’ you’re behavior is not going to negatively impact my performance today.
Learning to set boundaries takes courage because it’s scary, but if you’re willing to learn from the river, you can set strong banks that help you flow with confidence and power.
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