Do you hate it when you feel disappointed and then lash out at your partner or friend because you feel like you’re struggling when they’re not? This can be quite the feeling when you’re on the river and you’re struggling with your lines and roll while your friends are killing it. It’s a sucky feeling, but you don’t have to be at the mercy of it.
Last week I had plans to finish out the year strong with fun adventures, until I got sick for 7 days. During that time the rivers came up and temperatures were in the 60s, but I was laid out on the couch. Andrew came home after a day of paddling one day, gleefully celebrating the fact that he had accomplished his goal of paddling 100 days this year.
I wanted to be happy for him. I really did, but at that moment I felt like a loser compared to him, and feelings of envy and inferiority swept over me. Not a good look. The worst part is that I was fully aware and observing myself acting out of envy. It took me until the next day to congratulate him for real.
It’s much easier for me to celebrate others successes when I’m also feeling successful, but that means my emotions, mood and actions are dictated by outside circumstances. And, feeling envious doesn’t help me or anyone else be or feel successful. I’ve found it to be much more powerful to be stoked for folks when they’re accomplishing something that I’d like to accomplish EVEN when I’m not feeling accomplished.
On the river this can be super important because when I’ve let myself go down the route of feeling disempowered and comparing myself and feeling envious, my performance has suffered and then my mood gets even worse! And, it’s no fun when your crew starts to feel like they need to walk on egg shells around you. There’s level of empathy that’s important when working as a team, and at the same time, others shouldn’t have to dim their lights because of how my day is going.
This isn’t easy, and I obviously wasn’t able to do it quickly in my example with Andrew, but it is possible to choose out of your envy and feeling crappy. It took me until the next day to congratulate Andrew with authenticity and stoke. I was aware and observing my behavior the whole time, and I actually communicated that to him. I’ve trained myself to change my mind more quickly on the river with a crew.
4 Steps for changing your mind to change your mood
I don’t have all the answers, but here are steps that help me to change my mind and change your mood:
- Awareness – recognize that you’re feeling envious/inferior/crappy.
- Understand that this is a moment in time and have compassion for yourself. This isn’t your moment, and that’s OK. You’ve had and will have great moments!
- Ask yourself how you would want your partner or crew to treat you if you were having your moment and they weren’t?
- Focus on what is going right and what you’re grateful for – especially the little things.
The key is to find ways to get off the roller coaster of emotions so that you’re not only on a high when things are going well for you and then on a deep dive when things aren’t going well for you. Finding more equanimity leads to more happiness and contentment. Remember that mental agility isn’t about feeling good and confident all the time, or never making mistakes. It’s about being able to move from feeling disempowered to feeling empowered, and life is full of opportunities to practice this!
If you have other strategies that you want to share I’d love to hear them! Email me.
If you want to learn more about this strategy and others, this coming week is your last chance to register for Mental Agility Mastery 8 Week Course. CLICK HERE.
