How to build community and connect with others

Do you have a hard time connecting with others and wish you had more people to paddle with?

This week in Mental Agility Mastery 8 Week course it’s Community Week – the week we focus on how to build community and what it means to be in community. It’s always one of the most inspiring and fun weeks in the course.

The assigned practices for this week in the course were:

1. Take stock of whether you are a person who is always contributing to others, but has a hard time being contributed to. Do you disregard compliments, have a hard time asking for help, or is your default ‘I got this, I’ll just take care of it myself.’ If you are that type of person then your work in community is allowing people to contribute to you!
2. Do you expect community to just happen to you because you want it and you show up? Ask yourself, what can I contribute to the group? Can I bring snacks, be a calming or supportive presence, help connect others? Practice showing up with an intention to contribute.
3. Get present to how you listen to others. We all have a certain listening of people. You will listen more attentively to people you deem important, and less attentively to people you deem not important. That doesn’t give people in your space the opportunity to be something different than who you think they already are. Get curious about how you listen to people.
4. Practice active listening without thinking about what you’re going to say next. When someone has finished speaking, count to 3 before you speak. They may not be done, and that will give you an opportunity to let what they’ve said sink in.
5. Be mindful of how you give and receive feedback. Are you someone who gives feedback without anyone asking, but then aren’t able to receive feedback from others? Practice giving feedback in the following way (I learned this strategy from Lily Otu who developed it while working at the ACA):
   1. • Ask if the person wants feedback.
      • Stick to the facts – your feedback should be about the work, the skill or the situation, not the person.
      • Focus on the impact – explain how the feedback could have an impact.
      • End with a question.
6. Practice acknowledging people for WHO THEY ARE, not what they accomplished. Express your gratitude to the people in your life.

On our weekly zoom call last night I put folks into break out rooms where they could practice active listening and acknowledging. It’s fun to put them into practice in real time with the group.

These practices aren’t easy. Participants found that being acknowledged was hard. Taking in compliments felt uncomfortable while giving acknowledgement felt energizing. The deal is, it’s important to get comfortable with both sides of the equation so you don’t throw away the gifts that people are giving you. When you throw them away and don’t receive from others, you sever connection. The other person is attempting to connect with you, and you’re cutting that off. Something to think about.

Folks also reported that they gained the realization that they actually don’t listen to others because they’re already thinking about what they want to say next. When they started practicing the 3 second count, they actually got pulled aside after a meeting and complimented on their listening skills, and told that it made a different for others who were present.

We all want to be seen and heard. The above practices are great ways to build community and connect with others. If you take them on, you’ll build community around you.

They’re also great leadership skills for those of you who are leaders and instructors.

If you take any of these practices on, I’d love to hear from you. Email me and let me know what you’re learning. And, if you want to dive deeper into these practices, mark your calendar for January 2026 – the next time I’ll be offering Mental Agility Mastery 8 Week Course!