Do you find yourself complaining about the same situations, things or people in your life over and over again?
Why is it that these frustrations never seem to go away?
I’ve got some ideas for you, but beware, you may not like what I’m about to say…
Consider that they don’t go away because your complaints are more about you than they are about other people or situations. Specifically, they’re about the payoff that you get from complaining.
You may be thinking that I’m making no sense right now, because you’re experiencing those people and situations as frustrating, not as a payoff.
As an Ayurvedic Health Coach I’m trained to go to the root cause of a health complaint or problem.
Often, the place where the problem is presenting isn’t the same place as the root cause of the problem.
A few examples:
- Lower back pain isn’t about your low back, but about the flexibility in your hips. When the front of your hips and your quads are too tight, they can pull your pelvis, and therefore, your low back out of alignment. The root cause of most low back pain is found in the hips, not the low back.
- Skin rashes such as rosacea, according to Ayurveda, have more to do with too much heat in the body rather than a problem with your skin. Eliminating heating foods and spices from your diet, and adding foods and practices that are beneficial for the season and your unique constitution can help your skin clear up. True story: I once cleared up rosacea on my cheeks by cutting out cinnamon, a heating spice that I was eating way too much of.
- Lack of energy and heaviness can have more to do with when you eat rather than what you eat. Routine is an important key to unlocking health benefits, but in our culture, the focus is always on food and counting calories.
If you have the courage to look under the hood of your complaints, you’ll notice that the root cause of your frustration is often an inauthenticity on your part. Meaning, you’re saying you want one thing, but your actions are causing a different outcome. Why would you act in ways that go against what you want? Because, at the root of your complaint, there’s a payoff!
One of the biggest payoffs is that you get to blame others, or a situation for the outcome you don’t like, and that gets you off the hook for being responsible for your actions.
A few examples:
- You say you want to be healthy, but then you complain that you’re too busy for lifestyle changes or getting outside and exercising. Too busy gets you off the hook for having to do the work to prioritize, give something up and make time for your health.
- True story: I was complaining to a friend about a group of people who I felt didn’t value my work. I was going on and on about how frustrating these people were to me and complaining about them naming everything that I thought was wrong with them. My friend replied: “And you wonder why they don’t value your work?” In other words, how can I expect the group to respect my work when I’m always complaining about them and have a certain negative view of them? If you’re complaining about someone all the time chances are they’re picking up on your dislike or resentment, so why would that inspire them to treat you with kindness?
Here’s 1 truth and 1 question that can help you get rid of your nagging complaints that keep coming back to frustrate you:
Question: What is the payoff I get from this complaint?
Do you get to be right or righteous? Does it allow you to blame other people, work or family? One of the biggest payoffs is not having to put time and energy into taking responsibility for yourself and creating change. It’s a lot easier to sit around and complain. BUT, is that who you really want to be?
Truth: No one is coming to save you from your complaint.
I can remember feeling super depressed the first time I realized this truth. Which is weird because it’s pretty obvious! No one else can do the work for me. No one can paddle my kayak or SUP for me, and no one can reach my goals for me. I can receive support, guidance and accountability from others that helps me out on my journey, but ultimately, if I want something to change I have to work for it. Same for you.
When you think about it, this truth is actually very empowering because it points to the fact that you have the power to make different choices and create change for yourself. If you don’t like whatever you’re complaining about then look at how you can create the change needed to become the person you want to be, or have the life you want to have.
So, instead of complaining, take action to create change for yourself. Because, as a wise friend recently shared in my FB group: What you don’t change, you choose.
If you want more guidance on how to create change in your life (health, mindset or paddling) to become the person you say you want to become, then email me. Let’s have a conversation about your goals and strategy to help you meet them!