I was in the eddy at the local play wave, and my inner critic was going off.
The wave felt fast and dynamic, but I was feeling nervous, hesitant and wobbly. My heart was beating fast, and I was stuck in a vicious cycle of nerves, negative self-talk and feeling off in my skills. Instead of enjoying my friends and feeling grateful, I left feeling disappointed in myself and my skills.
Later that evening I was working on my outline for the upcoming Performance Lab: How to Stop Your Negative
Self-Talk, and realized that I needed to take on one of the exercises we’ll be doing: writing down fact vs story, and especially focusing on the facts of what happened.
As I wrote down the facts of the situation, I realized that this was the first time I had been in a playboat in over a year due to my back injury! I’ve never taken an entire year off of playboating in my 30 years of paddling – ever.
Somehow, the story my brain was telling me was that I should be playboating with the same level of comfort I did before my back injury, even though I took an entire year off and hadn’t been in a playboat in over a year. Just that realization changed my whole outlook, lifted my mood and made me realize how ridiculous I was being!
Would You Talk to a Friend That Way?
With that context, I realized that it was a super successful session. If I were coaching a client who had taken a year off playboating and was feeling disappointed after a session where they got into a dynamic hole, threw tricks (I did spins, clean spins and some roundhouses – wobbly, but did them!), I would suggest that they go easy on themselves and celebrate the win!
When it comes to self-talk, it’s always a good idea to ask yourself if you would talk to someone else as harshly as you’re talking to yourself. The answer is usually no.
Writing Down the Evidence
I continued to write down the facts and it turned into a list of evidence for how successful the session was.
It reminded me of the client who kept telling herself that she wasn’t progressing because her roll was only 50%. After I coached her to write down her actual roll success rate after each practice session, she realized that her roll was actually at 80%. That’s a 30% discrepancy between the story she was telling herself and the facts that were actually happening in reality. Writing down the evidence, the facts, stopped her negative self-talk and gave her the confidence and reframe that spurred many more successes.
Progress, Not Perfection
Stopping negative self-talk is a lifelong journey. I think about this stuff, practice it and coach it, but the neuropathway grooves in my brain are deep from past patterns. That’s why knowing this stuff isn’t enough. Remembering, practicing and revisiting with consistency over time is what creates change.
If you’ve noticed that you’re getting stuck in a negative self-talk or feeling loop, join me in the upcoming June 22nd at 7 pm ET Performance Lab. In the Lab we’ll take on this powerful exercise and 2 others that will make a big difference in your paddling and life.
It’s a $27 investment in shifting how you talk to yourself on and off the water. Left unchecked, our brains default to the story of the inner critic. Let’s build something more useful instead: freedom from that loop!
