Anna
My guest today, Michelle Weger, is an accomplished entrepreneur, speaker, and author of Don’t Snooze Your Dreams, Lessons from Life with Narcolepsy. As the founder of Venture Creative Collective, home of the famous website in a day service, Michelle helps small businesses thrive with innovative automation and web development solutions. Living with narcolepsy, Michelle has transformed personal challenges into powerful lessons inspiring countless individuals to pursue their dreams despite obstacles. Her engaging keynotes draw from real life experiences, offering practical strategies and inspiring stories. Welcome to the show, Michelle. Yeah, I’m excited to chat with you.

Michelle Weger
Thank you.

Michelle Weger (00:49.431)
It’s gonna be great.

Anna
Yeah, so when I say discomfort zone, what comes up for you?

Michelle Weger
Discomfort zone for me is the place where opportunity lives. I deeply believe that everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. And that middle space, that’s the discomfort zone.

Anna
Yeah, and how does that middle space feel for you? Like, is there any like physical sensations or that come up?

Michelle Weger
it feels hot. feels like I might be sick, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m nervous or because I’m excited. It’s both, let’s be honest. And sometimes it gets so like physically uncomfortable, the ansiness of all of that, that sitting at a computer or something like that becomes too much. Like it’s, can’t focus, I need to go do a thing. That’s another sign for me that I’m working through something that’s creating discomfort is if I’m, if I can’t get into that flow, there’s a reason it’s often discomfort.

Anna
And when, what types of situations do you feel most uncomfortable or where, what types of situations really challenge you to step into your discomfort zone?

Michelle Weger
I think social fears is the big one and quite commonly for most people too. So in my book, I call them the paper dinosaurs. They’re things that we’ve been evolved to be afraid of, right? If you get kicked out of society, you don’t have a cave to sleep in, a dinosaur will eat you and you will die. So you should be afraid, right? We all evolved from…

those who manage to stay in the cave. And so it’s ingrained in us to be afraid of doing things that are embarrassing. And that’s where most of my discomfort comes from is, if I speak on a brand new topic to a totally different audience, what if they don’t like it? What if they don’t think I’m funny? What if I forget part? It’s like embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing.

And that’s when I start to feel that big discomfort. Like, what if I won’t do a good enough job? Then what?

Anna
Hmm.

Yeah, so how do you, I hear that I can relate. know, especially I think high performers and especially, yeah, I mean, for me, I’ve talked about this in competition and freestyle, all eyes are on you when you’re competing. And that was always a big challenge for me. So how do you like if you’re up on stage speaking or presenting?

How do you work through that discomfort, that fear?

Michelle Weger
One of my strategies is to identify what exactly is the issue, to diagnose it, and to then try and face it more head on. So I have narcolepsy, which is a sleep disorder, and I have a service dog, Quinn. She is a great dame, which means she’s huge. And one of my fears with speaking is what if she needs to alert while I’m on stage? That would mean she’s going to guide me to the floor to sit there so I don’t fall down. What if that happens and someone gets scared? What if that happens and someone calls 911? What if that happens and I dropped the mic? Like there was all these fears, like when I really thought about it, what, what really am I afraid of? And it was those things. And so what I did on one of the first big keynotes I did was:

What if that happened and I dropped the mic? There was all these fears, but then I really thought about it. But what really am I afraid of?

I told them what I was afraid of. And the fear was deflated in a moment. I said, this could happen. If it does, don’t worry. and I got this. We do this every day together. Don’t worry about us. Act normal. And within 30 seconds, we’ll be back on track together.

And the fear was deflated in a moment. So I said, this could happen. This it does. Don’t worry. When am I going to this? We do this every day together. Don’t worry about us. Act normal. And within 30 seconds.

Anna
Nice. Yeah, think, yeah, not resisting, you know, not resisting or what, sorry, what we resist persists. So what I hear you, what I hear you saying is, yeah, naming it, you know, is really powerful. And then you’re not trying to like hide something. I mean, it’s hard to hide a great Dane. mean, Quinn is amazing. I’ve had the pleasure of hanging out with Quinn.

Michelle Weger
Ooh, that’s good, yes!

Anna
and she’s hard to miss, right? Because she’s a big dog. so, yeah, embracing that and embracing the, you know, the fear and speaking on it, it sounds like it’s really powerful for you.

Michelle Weger
Definitely. And there’s been some fun side effects of that. And you actually have done this for me as well. So when we were at a women’s beach house event that Lisa Larder puts on, you sat on the floor and everyone else was on the couches or on the chairs and there was room for you. And you said, I’m actually happier and more comfortable here.

Thanks though. And I thought that was so cool because I would have been happier and more comfortable on the floor too. But you know, my brain felt uncomfortable about saying that, right? Well, if everybody else is on chairs, then grown up business owners must go on chairs, right? Like I’m the problem, clearly. And then I saw you, this impressive, smart, successful business woman so clearly and calmly say, I’m happy here. And it shattered this belief, this discomfort. And I love when that happens because we often don’t even know the impact we’re having on others when we voice what we want to do or what we like.

Anna
Hmm. So true. Thanks for sharing that. It’s my outdoorsy yoga -ness of wanting to sit on the floor on cushions. Yeah, no, it’s true. And like that simple, that simple statement for me was really normal, you know, because I don’t know, most of my adult life, I’m sitting on the ground or sitting in camp chairs or sitting on my kayak by the river, you know, or sitting on my yoga mat in a yoga workshop.

And so that to me is very normal. So I didn’t really think anything of it really. And what you say about, you know, not even realizing the impact we have. So to me saying that is like nothing. And yet to you, it was like an aha moment. And that’s so cool when we come together in community and communities of different folks, right? I love that about, you know, especially that business community of you know, sharing space with folks who are different, have different views and maybe do things differently or have a different perspective, life experience. It’s really powerful. Yeah.

Michelle Weger
Yeah. And I think most people have discomfort in group situations. Maybe there’s some unicorns out there that have none ever, but that’s not me. I’ve tried more recently to voice things. If I’m doing something, I’ll say why. A couple of weekends ago at a cottage, the host is one of my good friends and she invited some friends as well that I didn’t know yet.

Anna
Yes.

Michelle Weger
And at one point, as narcoleptics do, I needed to go take a nap. And so instead of getting into the nitty gritty of that, I simply said, I’m having a great time. I need to go take a break so I can keep having a good time later. I’ll be back later. No big deal. Carry on. And off I went. Came back a couple hours later. Everything was great. And maybe an hour or so later, someone else stood up and said, I need to go do the thing that Michelle did. Bye. And ran out really quick. And when she came back, I was like, I’m glad you came back. She said, yeah, I always feel like I need time to myself. Like I’m an introvert in the middle of this type of thing. Like I’m going to be so tired and I’m not going to be having fun anymore. But I never thought it was okay to take a break at a group thing before I saw you do it. I never thought it was okay to take a break at a group thing.

Anna
Yeah, that’s awesome. I love this conversation because it took me a long time to realize and I don’t know enough, honestly, like I haven’t done research about introvert versus extrovert and all that, but it took me a long time to understand that I actually don’t like big groups that much and that I also need my, like my, I like to be alone.

I like to mountain bike by myself. like to go on very happy going on walks with my dog and me and or just sitting, you know, on my own and that I am much happier when I take a break like you’re saying and like you inspired that person to do, you know, to then come back and be able to be with people because what I noticed, especially, I don’t know, I guess going into my forties, I started noticing it more that I was, I never was aware of how not present I became with people in conversation when I started to get overloaded. But I wouldn’t let myself leave, same thing, like, I’m supposed to be here or I’ll miss out on something or, you know, whatever it is, everyone else is here. Like you’re saying, everyone else is sitting on chairs and it took, you know, more self -awareness, maybe…

maybe age experience to really understand that about myself. And it’s so important, like you’re saying, to be able to advocate for ourselves.

And on that note, actually, I really am inspired by you advocating. When I think of discomfort zone, I actually think of an experience that I had when we were at one of the beach house retreats and we were walking on the beach and it’s a beach that doesn’t allow dogs except Quinn is a service dog like an actual for real service dog for real and we were walking and you were being very responsible with Quinn and she was being doing her thing walk just walking with us and we got so many looks

Michelle Weger
For real. Yes.

Anna
And that, well, of course, a lot of people are also like, my gosh, love your dog, you know. But a few folks came up and said, no dogs on the beach. And one man in particular, he like came up with so a little bit aggressive and he’s like, no dogs on the beach. And I looked at him, I said, this is a service dog. And he’s like, sure it is, you know. And he was so aggressive. And I was like, okay, I was really taken aback. Like, wow.

Michelle Weger (12:37.634)
Yeah.

Anna
Because you had even the harness that says it and you were just like, don’t worry about it. I get that all the time. And I’m like, wow, that’s a challenge. Can you talk a bit about how you’ve, what, having to advocate for yourself in the face of what I experienced is aggression and people not really understanding or believing.

Michelle Weger
Yeah, you nailed it. You described it so well. And on that same beach the year before, which is probably part of why I was calmer when we were walking the year after, I had four different people in a row. There was barely anyone on the beach. It was misty. was like morning time, not great weather. And back to back to back. It was mean comment, mean comment, mean comment, mean comment.

I didn’t get any of the breaks of a happy family seeing a cute dog. Those helped to break it up a bit. And then after the fourth person, the police showed up and they drove over this protected sand dune holding a big gun, because that’s what police do. But I was shocked. There’s no dogs on the beach. I’m like, I have paperwork on my phone that’s in my pocket. Can I get it?

Not wanting to move because it’s just me on this beach and this police officer who just tore up as if I was doing something horrible. And that one really got to me that day. I came back and had a good cry. I’m not much of a crier in day day life, but that got to me. That was scary. And in the early days, anytime it happened, it was so upsetting any comment from any person. And there are still some that do get to me. But I think you get used to it. You shouldn’t have to. It’s not okay. It’s mean. It’s bullying.

And it, because of the size of my service dog and because I look normal, people make assumptions and feel entitled to make comments. And where I eventually became willing to work through that was when I thought about people who didn’t have as much resiliency as me. For example,

People who have PTSD service dogs from being in the forces, they likely look normal as well. And a lot of those are bigger dogs too. That type of interaction could mean they don’t leave their house anymore.

So for me, I’m willing to take more of that on, be more public, record videos, done some TV shows about it. There’s an undercover one that we did in Canada with Ubers and lifts and taxis where they recorded all the different reactions that we got, despite it being against the law to refuse us. And some were really dramatic.

Yeah. And there are some people that are nice. It’s not that often, unfortunately, but there will sometimes be a stranger who stands up when they see something wrong happening. A lot of people like to watch and talk to someone else about it while it’s happening.

One that really got to me that was in the last year was a local bakery. We’d been to plenty of times before with both my current service dog and my previous. So over a long period of time. And when we walked in the employee that was behind the cash, no dogs allowed, no dogs here. It’s sorry, it’s a service dog.

No, it’s not. It is. Would you like to see the paperwork? I can show you. I don’t care. I don’t believe you. Sir, I appreciate that you don’t believe us. However, it’s against the law to not allow service dogs in your place of business in Canada and the U .S. and most of the world.

Anna
Wow.

Michelle Weger
And he said, I know what the law is and I don’t give a beep.

Anna
Wow.

Michelle Weger
And not only did his colleague say nothing, either did the person who he was currently at cashing out a cash register or the person behind us. So I was so mad I could not talk for a few moments. I was, I’ve never had that one. At least most people pretend to not know even if they do. This guy made it clear he knew exactly what he was doing and did not care.

And then he doubled down. He turned to his colleague and said, pretend they don’t exist. Don’t you dare serve them.

Anna
That is ridiculous.

Michelle Weger
And he called the woman forward who was in line behind us, and she walked past us to go and get served as well. So it was every person who was there was doing the wrong thing. They could have intervened. They could have not bought into his game, but they didn’t.

Anna
Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah, that’s, that’s brutal. I’m sorry that happened. That’s yeah.

Michelle Weger
Yeah, that one sucks.

Anna
I’m just a little speechless about like, are they still working there? I mean, my goodness, I would never frequent that place of business again ever.

Michelle Weger
Because you wouldn’t think people do that, right?

Yeah, they are still working there. I was able to find contact the manager and then the owner was a few days later. The manager made him apologize while the man while he rolled his eyes and said, obviously, I don’t mean this, but I’m supposed to say I’m sorry. Like it was the most six year old response I’ve ever seen a grown up do. And it certainly didn’t help anything.

The owner chose not to fire the employee and certainly I am not spending more money there ever again, either any of my family and friends. You know, if that’s the type of, if you allow that type of thing in your business or within your friend circle, that says a lot about who you are as a person.

Anna
Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

I’m just thinking as we’re talking about these experiences, do you want to say a little bit about narcolepsy? Because I’m not sure listeners, you know, not everyone. I actually have another friend who has narcolepsy. So I’ve, you know, know a little bit about it, but I would love for you to, you know, maybe talk about it and let us know, you know, what you already mentioned it a little bit of what Quinn does, but maybe, maybe say more.

Michelle Weger
Yeah.

Michelle Weger
Thank you, I’d love to. Narcolepsy is a sleep -wake disorder. Above all else, I will never not be tired. So when I go to sleep, I go into REM, which is the dream state, in five minutes or less. Normal humans get 90 minutes of that restorative sleep before dream time. So because of that, whether I sleep for two hours, six hours, 10 hours, 14 hours. It feels the same when I wake up and it feels exhausted. You get it in your late teens, early twenties most commonly. So I do remember what it was like before. So I know what rested was like and it sucks that I’ll never have that again. Would be nice if it could be cured. There is no cure.

And the treatments that exist currently are more about making us more functional, but certainly not normal.

So there’ll be energy boosters that’ll, I’ll take medicine in the morning and within 90 minutes, it’ll be easier to wake up. Still not easy though. And the main things that Quinn does is she will alert before that big sleepiness comes on. She’ll put her paw on my foot or if I’m not paying enough attention or if it’s a crowded place, I might not notice. Then she’ll put herself on my lap, which I know you’ve seen happen before. And that’s when I take medicine very quickly. It takes about 15 minutes for it to kick in. And right as I’m starting to feel that deeply sleepy, heavy feeling hitting, I then also feel the big up of the medicine. So her timing is phenomenal. And the few times I did not trust her in the early days is

Anna
I have.

Michelle Weger
I didn’t feel tired at that moment. I ended up falling asleep exactly like she predicted or alerted, I should say.

Anna
She also has you sit down, is that right? Just at times, yeah.

Michelle Weger
Mm -hmm. Yeah. So that’s cataplexy, which is a temporary muscle paralysis. Though when people are dreaming in REM, you can’t move. Though some people get sleep paralysis where you’ll wake up and you still can’t move. It’s related to that, except I’m not sleeping. I’m awake. And so when that happens, you will fall down and could get very hurt. So Quinn alerts just before it happens and I sit down immediately or don’t stand up if I’m already sitting. And that’s, you know, depending on where you are at the time, if you’re at the top of the stairs or on an escalator, lots of places could be dangerous if you didn’t know what was going to happen.

Anna
Yeah. How long does, how long was Quinn’s training? Because how, and I’m curious, I don’t think I’ve ever asked you this question. How is she trained to be able to sense that in you? It’s incredible.

Michelle Weger
Yeah. Yeah. So I do talk about the training process in my book and with the first service dog I had, he started alerting before I was even diagnosed. So at that point I thought I had this naughty dog doing weird stuff that didn’t make sense. Looking back, I had this angel trying to help me and I’m the one who didn’t know what was going on.

The hard part with him was training him to be of service dog quality because learning the medical alert skill is one side. Being able to go anywhere in public is a whole other. So with Max, it took quite a few years and he was already quite old by the time he was finished training. And with Quinn, who’s the current one, we got her as a puppy for Max to teach.

So she learned a lot of the medical alert from him as you do with a sibling, right? The second child almost always walks and talks faster than the first. Why? They still have the same parents to see as role models, but their sibling is the one that they can see themselves in. So they learn faster. And she’s done lots of training with lots of different private trainers to really perfect the different skills along the way. the training is never done though, like any sports, like any skill, you keep it polished and you try and learn new things to stay at your best.

Anna
Yeah. So does she, do you have ongoing training for her or do you like certain times of the year or do you just choose, how does that work?

Michelle Weger
Yeah.

So what we’ve been doing lately, which is very fun, is we’ve been doing agility training, which if you’ve ever seen dogs do agility, there’s little tunnels and jumps. A Great Dane through a tiny tunnel is funny. And the reason we chose that is because at the higher levels, there’s so much body language involved because you have to tell them where to go next. And the harder the levels are, the more tricky the patterns and shapes are.

And so you have to really perfect not only the verbal communication, but also the body language. And that then allows us to operate at an even higher level as a team where she will know what I’m going to be doing and can respond to that, which is a lot better for being on stage, being in large groups, anything where there’s more attention on me. If I don’t have to be using verbal cues nonstop, that’s a big bonus.

Anna
Yeah, yeah, thanks for sharing all that. It’s, it’s really great to hear your perspective and what goes on behind the scenes, right, that maybe the dude at the bakery doesn’t see.

Michelle Weger
Yeah. And a lot of people will say, I wish I could bring my dog with me everywhere. No, you don’t. It’s really hard. It’s a lot of work. There’s so much stuff you have to bring. And even the nice comments can get exhausting, especially at a place like an airport, where probably 200 people are going to say something to me and I’m a representative of service dogs, of Great Danes, of people with narcolepsy. So I feel like I have to be on for all of that. And it’s a lot.

Anna (28:20.866)
Yeah. Yeah, I hear you.

It’s, mean, I can relate in the sense of sometimes on the river, if I’m with a group, and this has happened a few times, well, several times actually in my career of, you know, feeling like I am representing all women, which is in a way a bit ridiculous. Like it’s, you know, we’re taking that on, you know, it’s not necessarily true and it’s, it can still, yeah, be a challenge. Especially if I, yeah, in the paddling world, I just came up with a, what came to mind was I was paddling and took a swim in front of a bunch of guys. I’m, you know, in my mind was like, there it is. I’m the only girl on the river and I’m the one who took a swim, you know? And then having to process that and I went back up and ran it again, ran it really well. So that’s good. But yeah, I mean, it does take energy to hold that. Yeah.

Michelle Weger
Hahaha

Yeah, it’s an extra unnecessary pressure that, as you said, a lot of it is probably us putting it on ourselves. And I don’t think it’s something I’m going to get over anytime soon.

Anna
Right. Well, and you’re passionate about inspiring others to, you know, follow their passions and achieve their goals in the face of obstacles. You know, for instance, it could be really easy, I suppose, for to be like, well, I have narcolepsy, I have a really big service dog. I’m not going to put myself up on stage in front of a huge crowd where everyone’s looking at me and you choose to do it and you found a lot of joy, think, in doing that. And like you said, takes putting yourself in that discomfort zone.

Michelle Weger
yeah, you were right about that. My big, big dream is I want to speak on mega stages. So the type that are in arenas and there’s only one reason for it and that’s because of the number of people per audience. And with narcolepsy, they say it’s about one in 2000 people that have it.

And the average time for diagnosis is between 10 and 15 years from when you first go to a doctor and say, there’s something wrong here. And the day that you know what that thing is. I was five years and it was awful to not be able to wake up, to not be able to sit anywhere, even in public without falling asleep to not be able to drive or the list goes on and on and you don’t know why, it’s terrible. So my hope, not my hope, what’s going to happen is that from the ability to be on a stage of that size, that one moment where I say that little list of things, just like you let me do here, there will be someone who goes,

I wonder if it’s that because it is that temporary muscle paralysis part that is totally different from anything else. And if one person in that auditorium themselves or chances are that narcoleptic is actually at home sleeping. They missed their alarm. They didn’t come that day, but one of their friends might be their family member mentor. Maybe it’s a doctor themselves. I’ve had plenty of doctors where I am the first narcoleptic they have ever met.

Anna
Mm.

Yeah. It’s awesome. I love you speaking into your dream. I support it. Yeah. It’s powerful.

Michelle Weger
Thanks. Thank you.

It’s important to share the things that you want and need. I think it’s another thing a lot of people have big discomfort with. I remember the first time I wanted to say that I wanted to speak on a hundred stages in two years to be able to become so skilled that I am world -class and therefore can do those stages.

I could barely spit out the first half of the sentence before I wanted to be sick. And by the time I finished it, I thought I might be sick because it was so scary. Like, how are they going to respond? And they said, that’s really cool. okay. I thought that they might say I was a loser or that’s impossible or that’s too hard or whatever that voice in your head that tries to tell you things that aren’t true. They might say I’m delusional to try and make you stay small. I had a whole list of possible things people might say about that dream, that goal, and none of them have happened yet. And each time I say it, gets easier and easier and easier, and now it’s, you know, nosh -a -lont.

Anna
Yeah, that’s great. It is scary. I was just talking about this with someone earlier today, actually, like speaking. You’re speaking my goals and specific goals and like big goals is really a scary for me. I would say that’s a huge discomfort zone for me and kind of I’m building awareness of, you know, what the fear is about.

and challenging myself. I’m kind of at the point like you were, or like you first said, where you start the sentence and you can barely get it out. Or I’m like, you know, that’s too big. Or I just have these voices sometimes like, there’s no way, even though I’m really good at setting big goals, like even in my kayaking career, I wanted to compete. I wanted to go to the world championships. I knew I wanted to get on a podium. I’m very good at reaching goals.

But to say like, want to win, that I could never really say to myself, truly, you know, or speak that into being. So I was actually second and third a lot, which is nothing to, you know, which I’m really proud of for sure. And I’m seeing like in my life, even with this podcast or with business goals I have with, you know, goals that I have for like you making a difference for folks, like reaching more folks. I find myself getting like stopped by the fear of speaking like big things. So I appreciate you setting that example in doing it. Like I was, I saw you post that on Facebook, I think it was like a couple months ago. And I was like, Michelle, that’s awesome. So yeah, it’s important that we see other people doing it, you know, and then it’s easy, it gets easier to be like, okay, she can do it, I can do it. So I’m taking some inspiration from you right now.

Michelle Weger
That’s it.

Good. I can’t wait to see you share what one of your big goals is. I’ve found part of the magic of that is other people want to help.

Anna
Right.

Michelle Weger
And no one, you never think of that. I forget that every time when I want to voice something scary, that when you do that, there will be people who step up and say, I can help. Perfect example is this. When I was, when I announced that I was launching my book, I posted and said, I’m looking for podcasts to be on. Who do you know who has a great podcast? And our mutual friend Stephanie sent you a voice message and said, Hey Anna, you need Michelle on your podcast. And here we are. Right.

Anna
Yeah, and actually, when I saw that post, Stephanie reached out to me first, but I was already like, you were on my list to reach out to, to have you on. So for sure, even, yes, agree. it is so important to allow, okay, so here’s a question for you. Allowing, the other thing that I’ve struggled with in my life is allowing people to contribute to me, right? That is really challenging for me. so, you know, so like for you, have to, you’re allowing Quinn, like you’re allowing daily, another being to contribute to you.

Michelle Weger
That’s deep.

Yeah.

Anna
And so how is that? Do you love that? Did you ever have resistance to that?

Michelle Weger
I do not love that. It is not who I would be otherwise. I would say that I was quite fiercely independent for the vast majority of my life and even to a fault. I went to France on an exchange with Rotary International when I was 15. Like, I don’t need any parents. Let’s go eat some brie and learn French. Like for an entire year, not a summer, not a couple of weeks, a year.

And I can do anything I want is what I’ve always thought. And it was one of our mutual friends, Jennifer, who owns Leveraged Lead, who pointed something out to me a few years ago. And it was that about, well, the majority of the time that my service dog at the time was alerting, I would just push it off. Like, no, no, no. He was right but I didn’t want it. I didn’t want help. I’m like, I’m fine enough. I’m fine enough. Like I’m good. I only need help when it’s super serious. But that’s silly. Like I’m, as she pointed out to me, and it changed everything for me. Why am I rejecting an offer from someone or something who loves me? What am I afraid of actually? Because shutting him down like that, you could have just stopped alerting or not enjoying working as much. And I think the same happens with other people in our life. If someone’s offering to help you, it’s because it means something to them. And a lot like when people push off compliments, right? When you give someone a compliment and they say, well, no, not me. No, someone else is smarter. well, you know, I’ve had a lot of help or whatever silly rejection phrase. You’re actually insulting the person who complimented you. They were brave enough to share something with you and you’re not willing to absorb it because you’re insecure. That’s mean. That’s mean to the person who’s trying to give you a gift.

They were brazen enough to share something with you and you’re not willing to absorb it.

A dream to the person who’s trying to give you a gift. And I really think about that a lot when people are offering to help me is, you know, we all have too much to do in a day. So I know they’re not doing it because they’re bored. They genuinely want to help. And it would be, it wouldn’t be right to not accept that gift because it’s a beautiful kind thing when someone tries to help you.

Anna
Well said.

Do you have any questions for me?

Michelle Weger
Yeah, I want to know where you’re, because I love this topic. I want to know where you’re, why are you turning down help? Like, what are you actually afraid of happening?

Anna
I think that in my life, I’ve been around, this just came to me as we were talking and as you were talking.

I think there’s a couple of things. I feel like in my life, I have been around folks who have offered to help out of a sense of duty and then complained about it later. So like this, like inauthenticity. And you know, they were doing the best they could, you know, and so I think part of me is like, well, they’re not really wanting to help. They’re just, they feel like they have to, and then they’re going to complain about me later and I don’t want anyone complaining about me you know or like feeling like they have to help me. The other thing that comes up for me is

I think there’s probably a self worth thing there of like maybe not feeling good enough and wanting to be independent for sure.

I can also be hard on people too of like, well, I want it done this way, or it’s just easier if I do it myself. It’s just easier if I do it myself, you know, and have this idea. But I really do think it all comes down to honestly that I don’t sometimes don’t believe that people, feel like people, and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. Like that is really.

Michelle Weger
Wow, this is deep.

Anna
Yeah, you know, I can remember when Andrew and I were trying to start a family and we did IVF and everything and I could just, and it wasn’t, it wasn’t working and I could just feel like some people felt sorry for me and it just pissed me off, you know, cause I was like, I don’t mind compassion, you know, and like empathy and yeah, it was hard and like, I’m going to be okay. I know myself, I know us.

I just don’t like the like sympathy. You know, like the icky sympathy. Like there’s a difference between compassion and empathy and like feeling sorry for someone like, poor them. You know, we need to help them, poor them because they, you know, it’s a little disempowering. It’s kind of like that, like a savior mentality, you know.

And of course, these are just, I’m just sharing with you what goes through my head. I’m not saying that this is true, that what, you know what I mean? But since you asked the question of why I kind of refuse help is, and I think it mainly is, because when I look at my life, it really is more of like, yeah, people don’t really want to do it. I’m going to be a burden. They’ll complain about it. It’s going to be too hard and I should just do it myself.

Michelle Weger
I love it.

I’m someone who deeply believes that if there’s something like that that has so much story and feeling built up to it, and it’s something you’re wanting to change, which you asked me about it, so it sounds like that’s your situation, is you have to find small things you can do to build up. You don’t just, you know, one day…

someone to do something ginormous out of the blue or accept something ginormous because the friction you’ll probably feel that’s not just discomfort that’s smothering for me at least and yet if you build up those small things it’ll create new stories and new pathways to reinforce the current reality because where you were in your past all of that could be completely true in terms of the way you interpreted it could have been exactly it. They might have been resentful. They might have felt sorry. That could be true. Is it still true today for the people in your world now?

Probably not.

Anna
Yeah, that’s right. Yeah, that’s great. It’s in in kayaking, we have the it keeps coming back to this one phrase hard moves in easy water, right? So step by step hard moves in easy water. And I love how it applies to all areas of life. And I have gotten better, which is great, you know, and being aware of it. So yeah, it’s good stuff.

Michelle Weger
The other thing for me that has helped me is finding ways to help other people. There’s things that are so simple that they could be embarrassing for me that I will ask people to help. An example is if there’s a wine glass that’s above, if I drop it, it will smash. There’ll be glass everywhere. I have a scar on my hand from one time that that happened.

Anna
Yes.

Michelle Weger
so if cataplexy happens at that moment, now that it’s just this whole drama, it’s probably going to be in the food. And in the past, I would wait until someone offered me wine and then occupy my hands with something so that they would hopefully get the glass. Like it was so ridiculous, but I felt I like, I was so insecure about telling them I might drop it. It’s a narcolepsy thing.

And then what would they think about me? So, and I know there are people, I’ve seen it where when I asked that and someone sees that happen enough days, or if they see that someone keeps doing that for me, they might make assumptions that I’m being lazy or that that other person, you know, I’m pushing them to help all the time. They might feel that way, but that doesn’t matter. I can’t let that stop me from asking what – for things that I need to be able to be a part of things. And so by proxy, anytime anyone asks me for thoughts, feedback, help, I am so excited to be able to help because like I get to help now. I get to be useful for the group. Like, yay.

Anna
Yeah.

Yeah. What also came to mind when you were talking is that phrase, the people who mind don’t care and the people who care don’t mind. I love that phrase. I think it’s a, is it a Dr. Seuss phrase? I can’t, I don’t know, but it’s, it’s, yeah, I love that. Yeah.

Michelle Weger
Oof, that’s good! That’s good, yes!

It’s got that feel.

Anna
All right, are you ready for a lightning round?

Michelle Weger
Pressure’s on.

Anna
All right, so these questions are designed to be answered in a couple of words. So here we go. What’s a morning ritual that sets you up for success?

Michelle Weger
getting out of my bed.

Anna
Okay, what’s a non -negotiable self -care practice?

Michelle Weger
being outside for at least 20 minutes in daylight.

Anna
Hmm.

What’s a favorite motivational book or talk?

Michelle Weger
Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins.

Anna
Cool. What do people get wrong about you?

Michelle Weger
That I don’t like them. I have resting narcolepsy face. It’s very neutral, if not a bit downturned. And a lot of people assume it’s about them. And it’s not. It’s a me problem.

Anna
Got it. Okay, throughout the course of your life have you felt like the underdog or the favored to win?

Michelle Weger
hard.

I have more to deal with than other people. So underdog is the clear answer. And I don’t like to call myself that because I know I can do it. It’ll just be harder.

Anna
Got it. Hard moves and… No, you’re good. This is great.

Michelle Weger
I’m great at following the rules here, clearly. Few answers.

Anna
hard moves in easy water or flooding.

Michelle Weger
hard moves in easy water, for sure. Every time.

Anna
One word, what is one word that describes your comfort zone?

Michelle Weger
supportive.

Anna
Freedom through discipline or I do what I want.

Michelle Weger
discipline.

Anna
In one word, what do you hope your legacy will be?

Michelle Weger
It, I don’t know. And the only thing I can think of is like, wow. If it’s one word, like just that’s it. That’s the answer. Wow.

Anna
Love it. Wow. I love it. That’s great. Okay.

Michelle Weger
Takes a lot to make me speechless there, Anna. That’s a good question.

Anna
haha

Michelle Weger
What’s your legacy in one word?

Anna
My legacy in one word, you know, I don’t think anyone’s turned the question on me. Good, Michelle. Let’s see, my legacy in one word would be.

Anna
empowering.

Michelle Weger
That’s you.

Anna
Yeah, that’s my answer for today.

Anna
I think I like that word a lot. use it a lot. Empower, empowering. So it’s like right there at the tip of my tongue.

Anna
Anything else you’d like to share with our listeners, Michelle?

Michelle Weger
I would love you to check out my book. It’s Don’t Snooze Your Dreams, Lessons from Life with Narcolepsy. There is some narcolepsy stuff in there and it’s mostly a manual for how to get anything you want in life, no matter what you have to overcome because we all have something. Chances are yours is not narcolepsy and yet the path that I’ve followed, the tools I’ve used, they will work for you as well.

Anna
Great, where is the book available?

Michelle Weger
It is on Amazon and you can also find it on my website which is michelleweger .com.

Anna
Awesome. And Michelle is double L E.

Michelle Weger
Yes.

Anna
Awesome. Thanks so much for your time today, Michelle. It’s been so fun talking to you.

Michelle Weger
Awesome. Loved it. And I hope the listeners did too.